ummmm... yea, about that then...
razor14150
Wow its been a long time since I have wrote in here. Well were to start first...

Well I been back in Buffalo, NY since the end of October. Still living at home with my mom. We have a friend living with us... however hes straight... damn I could wish he was at least bi so I could snuggle him. Still a lot of problems among the house but no purpose to dally on them because I can confront my family and talk about them but still nothing will get done about them... soooooo... yea

I dont talk to my dad anymore or anyone from his side... Oh well I have moved on. Met my dad and things didn't go over so well. I met him and now that goal has done and passed. I still dont see how my mom says I'm just like my father... oh well.

Me and Eke aka Ekedo broke up shortly after I got back to NY... over stupid shit probably. But I have had my time to heal and I went on another adventure to find a mate,, and I think I finally may have found the one. Faolan is a baby fur that currently resides in WA. Hes like a copy of me....  I really do hope that things work out between me and him. Me and him are in a closed relationship and we are both thankfull for that.

Any how I dont kow what else to put here so I'll end it for now. Razor the seemingly Ghost Dragon, out.

(no subject)
razor14150
Life is just one big F*** over. If its not one thing its another... Why? I question alot of things about myself, my irl family my friends.... I just dont know. I was supposed to be back in NY the 19th or 20th... 21st the latest... and here it is the 24th and Im still stuck here. Im here in VA doing the same thing day in and day out, doling absolutly nothing productive... and its depressing... Why I dont know. I just like to feel like Im doing something worth while and well lately its been just the oppsite so its dragging me down a bit. I'll be fine tho. I wake up shower.. after that I normally get online and check my dragon adopters, gundam-storm, yahoo and aim mail, then chat for a little bit till my friend gets up. From there most of the time I'll go into the other room and either watch tv or play need for speed carbon on the xbox 360. then later that night make something to eat and probably watch tv. after dinner most of the time my friend will go back to the computer and ill either watch tv, go for a walk or play the game. By the end of the night i normally wind up going for a walk by myself and listen to music before returning to whats home here in VA and going to sleep. Theres not one thing thats productive there and its bugging me... Well It sucks. But other then me doing nothing Im still alive so I guess thats good. As for my IRL family back in NY... me and my sister are getting along... for the mean time. *crosses claws* dont jinx it... :P But my moms doing alright shes been working alot lately. My moms BF I have no idea aboutt and I seriously need to have a talk with him because Im tored of him taking advantage of my mom... He dont pay rent, he dont pay bills, he complains if my mom needs a ride anywere.... He needs to start paying rent helping with the bills and food and quit complaining about if me and my sister have a dissagreement of if one of us do something... its agravating.... your watching tv in the living room and your moms bf goes to bed and every 10-20 minutes he comes out and bitches to either turn off or turn down the tv... when the tv is barely even up.. and i know im not deaf... As for friends... well the friend I live with here in VA is a bit clingy even when I have a mate. He says hes just being affectionate when he groups me or kisses me or lays on top of me when im sleeping.... my mate knows hes doing this and well my mates told him to back off but he dosent. I cant really confront him because I dont know anyone else down here and if he dicides to kick me out im screwed.. and not in a good way. And any time I do confront him he twists my words around were what im thinking is wrong and hes right... I cant take mass mind games right now. The same friend has my psyco annalizing conversations and wanting me to explain how I feel. ooo and the one thing that pisses me off is the fact i was talking to one of his friends on my yim and me and this fur was getting in an argument... well my mom called from NY and i needed to talk to her so he dicides to take over thinking he talks like me.... he may but he cant predict how im going to handel certin situations.... but i just dont like him taking over my conversations. Another friend I know online is ubber in love with me and well I told him I dont love him but i dont mind his company as a friend he INSISTS we are ment to be togeather.... kinda creepy. I may have lost my big brother ((furry brother)) becuase of a recent argument i had with him. I dont know if many know how solitary creatures dragons are but this might shine some light.... Dragons love to be alone besides when mating... for the most point. Now im not that solitary but when Im depressed of somethings on my mind I like to be left alone and be able to think without being asked "are you ok?" or "whats wrong?" or even " I know somethings wrong... tell me whats wrong" and when i say i dont want to talk about it or nor right now I get pired into like a crow bar prying open a door. Oh and one more thing before I go... I have no privacy. not even in the shower O.=.O Like this morning I was in the shower and he was laying down.. he comes into the bathroom and opens the shower curtin and says his back hurts and asked if i would come rub it... i told him sure i would when i got out of the shower.... he keeps comming in and out of the bathroom every like 2 minutes and looking in on me asking if i was getting out..... I just like my privacy... especially when im mated i dont like others looking at me.... v.=.v I dont want Eke getting any wrong ideas thinking im cheating on him when Im not and never would want to. For thoes of you that didnt know me and Exavier broke up because of distance hurting him alot more then anyone should go through... Me and Eke have been mated for about a week or soo and I love him with all my heart. <3 But I hope to be in NY soon... I miss my friends there.

Why?
razor14150
I write today for a few reasons....

1. The first one is to say that I have been looking over myself and how I handle cerin situations. I see that I take even very small things very drastic, am I sorry about that... not exactly. I will admit when I'm wrong for going over bored but not always. I tkae alot to heart because of my past ((in which I'm NOT going to discuss)) and issues in which I must deal with every day now.

2. To say that I don't agree with every thing that goes on here in Virginia but I respect the way things are around here. I don't agree that it seems like my friends a puppet on a set of stings and someone that dosen't even have the courage to admit that he loves him has the other end. I hold alot of what I think back on this topic because I respect what my friend thinks of this particular person.

3. Things back at home in New York seems to be that same as before I left. My sisters still doing drugs amd running around. Thoe lately she's been home because of school and work. But either way my sister's still lazy. When she is home all she does is eat or play the damn video game. And my mom cleans the house and manages her job... why can't y sister help her? Is that too much to ask? I don't know about my mom's boyfriend because she don't talk about him much.

4. My sleeping sechedual is back off track again because of a lot of half ideas or half sentences worded in my head. I have had a very rough mental week. Things from hearing that so an so is in a realtionship to this person aint the same... why? All these questions just build up and becaue I don't have n answer my mind searches for one and keeps me awake. I just have had a lot of stress and no were to escape to.

5. I don't know what to do anymore... its the same pattern every day now and I just hate it now. I wake up at any time, lay around till I get up and jump in the shower to even remotely wake up. Then from there I been either jumping online to talk to friends and try to help them with the problems in there life when I can't help my own. But I get by each day helping others then I eat then go back to sleep, not getting anywere. What do I do now?

update
razor14150
Well recently I moved to Virginia, its nice here but very hot... well to me anyways. Why did i take on the fursona of a fire dragon if i dont like the heat? I shoulda took an ice dragon... Well im a little sick lately but that may be for a few reasons


Im kinda been up and down so ill update again late.. kinda lost the mood to post here for now

Life....
razor14150
Im out here now and im ok. The bus sucked... one after another was late. other then that i slept for most of it.

Im working on a few things more so emotionally then outside. I been up and down the past few days and nights.... Im not up to saying why thoe...

UUpdate on Life
razor14150
Its been a week so LJ says scince I last posted.. so while I'm here at the library on a Saturday afternoon what better to do then to post?

I would say this past week has been neither good nor bad... kinda mutual.. or a nutral state.

Good:
1)  got my computer to use alternate boot/log on screens
2)  sleeping better (when I actually sleep)
3)  I been getting into shape. Coming tothe library Monday thru Friday couldn't by why.. could it?


Bad:
1)  I thought my sister stopped doing weed.. untill when I was looking for popcorn in her room (watching her take a pack in there earlier that day) I found a F***ing pipe in her room and sum remnance of weed.
2)  Still haveing problems with documents dissapearing on my  computer?

The Road To Life..
razor14150
Theres a long dark strech on South Park, I prefer not to ride at night.. The more I think of it the more I wonder, Why do I avoid the dark in the road? Is it because I don't know what to do? or could it be my wondering imagination? Not quite sure, but I'm going to find out tonight! I ride the streets of South Buffalo on a nightly basis. Weather don't hold me back. Im out rain or shine.
Im still looking for someone to share my "playground" with, some one who will come and take me by suprise. The nigth sky is very relaxing, and I know a place were the waters calm, the sky is open and theres not much traffic. Its a small walk or bike ride but its a special place to me. I wish I could find someone who would go there with me and just gaze at the moon or walk by the water.
I'm finding new ways to deal with the stress I've been under... Been feeling a little better but not too much as when something gets better something else goes wrong. Like a never ending circle, but I guess thats life?
Things with my sister are back on a downward hill... She says she isn't doing drugs but I know she is. I walked in here room this morning to get the chin for the bike and it smelled like smoke... but not ciggrett smoke. My mom and he boyfriend now both have full time jobs and I get stuck home cleaning the house... Oh well.
Still on a quest to meet sum local friends I can snuggle with and talk to. I'm trying my hardest to move out of the house with my mom and out on my own by the end of the year.
Not sure what else to put here so I'll leave off with one note.
"Don't piss off a dragon having a bad hair day."
LOL

...
razor14150

I have been through this and that.. Basically the wors part of my life... but who seems to care about me?


ummmm sure?
razor14150
Well I'm gunna make this entry very simple... Me and my mate broke up. We broke up for the last time because we had little to no communication and we didnt each other. I have gotten sorta close with a friend named Rex. I do like him but I dont think we would go further then friends. I'm looking for a mate that at least lives in New Your or PA. only real cryteria I have right now, kinda touch and go with me thoe. Boa has gotten close to me but that stops at friends... hes straight...maybe bi curious. Well not much else I can think of, catch yaz on the flip side.

What's New?
razor14150
Thought after a week and a lot going through my mind I would put some thing here. Well I'm still pretty anti-social. Thoe I have met a kid thats around here. Hes from the German army, thoe hes retiered. Hes pretty cool thoe I'm not planning on opening up any time soon. I actually have been folding in... Been under alot of stress lately, which has taken a bad toll on my health. I went through a half a pack of cigeretts last night, havenet been eating much the past few days either. My nets been touch and go when it wants to work. I'm in constant fear of loosing touch with my mate. If we loose touch thats when every thing goes south. I havent talked to two of my online brothers in sum time... I hope there oaky. I have been sleeping alot as I going through my problems. Right now I'm like an engin of a car thats over heating.. it shuts down to try and protect its self.. as forth me sleeping alot is to chelter myslef from the harm I may cause

?

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